It has come to my attention that Massachusetts Senator Karen Spilka is sponsoring an act to improve insurance coverage for children in Massachusetts.

Insurance will often cover rehabilitative services, therapy that helps a child to restore lost function. Currently there is a loophole in the law that allows insurance companies to deny coverage for medically necessary habilitative services. This type of service teaches a child to acquire a skill needed in order to function in age appropriate ways.  Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists, and Speech Therapists provide these types of therapies. Closing this loophole means that health insurance companies will be required to pay for medically necessary OT, PT, and Speech Therapy. My daughter no longer receives services from our OT because our insurance company does not cover “habilitative” therapy.

If this bill is enacted, my daughter and many other children with SPD and other brain-based, genetic, and developmental disabilities will be able to receive these much needed services.

The hearing date for habilitation bill #70 is June 10, 2009. Would you consider taking action on this right now? Please call your state representative to voice your support for the habilitation bill #70. You can find out who your representative is here.

Photo courtesy of Eric Beato

At Mom to Mom the other day the talk was about celebrating motherhood. It was a very encouraging talk, yet I felt a bit teary-eyed. It was a little embarrassing for me, too.  The speaker today asked us to list a few things that we think we each do well as mothers. That task just set me off. I found it difficult to find things that I can say I do well.

I’m not very confident about my mothering sometimes. There are many days that I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing, and that discourages me. I rely on support from other moms and from Mom to Mom to help me with my insecurities. Having a network is crucial for me, so I can learn different parenting strategies from my friends. I also find that I am able to lean on these moms when I am feeling unsure and even teary-eyed. I like that it is possible for me to let down my guard and be comforted by people who truly understand the way that I feel sometimes. The other wonderful piece of being part of a network of moms is that I know I can encourage other moms when they feel insecure.

Living as a mom in a community gives me confidence in my ability to mother.

Photo courtesy of ro gianesi

Mothering is an art form. Think about what mothers do every day.

1. Mothers nurture their children. For each child that looks different, though. Some children need Mommy to snuggle them often throughout the day. Other children need the freedom to explore independently and know that mom is nearby to ensure that everything is safe. Moms have to learn what each child needs through trial and error.
2. Mothers discipline their children. All children need to be taught right from wrong, but there are multiple ways to teach children those lessons. Each child responds differently. Some children fall to pieces if you raise your voice while other children need the adult in charge to be assertive and firm.
3. Mothers provide for their children’s needs. How many meals does a mother prepare a day? Moms make sure the kids are well dressed. Moms patch up their children’s boo-boos. Mothers hug and kiss their little ones to tell them that everything will be all right.
4. Mothers advocate for their children. Moms tell everyone how wonderful their children are and what great things their children can do. They insist that the pediatrician look into a concern. Moms call the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent if necessary. Moms research to find answers and follow through on that research. Mothers pray for their children.
5. Mothers love their children. Everything that a mother does comes from love, uncontional love, and mothers are blessed.

Happy Mother’s Day. Enjoy your blessings!

Photo courtesy of ~*~Sheyla~*~

Swimming lessons have begun! We took two rounds of lessons last year and decided to take a break. C4 was terrified of the water last year and refused to put her face in at all. It was not worth it to me to force the issue, so we stopped. Besides, my goal is simply for her to be able to swim not for her to compete or anything like that. Waiting was the right choice! She had a great time today, and she wasn’t even nervous before the class started.

We arrived at the lesson early to allow the kids to warm up to the situation. My kids adjust better to anything new if I explain what will happen and answer their questions at the venue. It seems to relax them – and me. I also give important safety information. For example, today we talked about the life guard’s job. I also explained that they might hear a whistle blow, and three blows mean that the life guard wants to clear the pool. My kids are so curious, and they are pretty independent thinkers. They often question the authority figure when they are told to do something that appears confusing. That kind of questioning seems defiant to some adults even though the questions are not to meant to defy authority. I try to avoid having that happen, especially on the first day of a class.

I saw my little girl actually swim from the side of the pool to the rope and back again with the barbells. She splashed in the water. She even went down the slide into the pool. She smiled the whole time, too! She did check with me throughout the class, but there was no sign of distress. What progress! I am so glad to see her enjoy the water now.

Wednesday is A2’s turn with her very first lesson with Mommy. I’ll keep you posted!

Photo courtesyof  bonsaihiker

Live as a mom for a while and learn a lot! Here are a few things I have learned after becoming a mom…

~ I can run errands around the location of the clean public bathrooms. I never know when we are going to need one!

~ I have to take several extra napkins whenever we stop at a food establishment. There is always a spill or a runny nose. Those napkins also come in handy if that clean public bathroom is out of toilet paper!

~ I understand why drive-thru was invented. It’s not for lazy people as I thought before. No, it’s for moms with sleeping kids!

~ I can make a healthy meal out of just about anything in the freezer or the cabinet. It’s amazing how creative I can be when I have two cranky kids desperately needing dinner!

~ Bedtime and nap time are mostly for kids but parents benefit more. Mommy and Daddy need the rest!

~ I have to pick my battles. I don’t have to win every battle in order to win the war. Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to pick a fight with your kids.

~ My parents did do a few things right.  I take advantage of grandparent wisdom every day. My relationship with my dad is remarkably different now because I truly appreciate him and everything that he has done for me.

~ Although I know a lot about children in general, I don’t know as much as I would like to know. This parenting thing is an art form not a science!

~ I need to ask God for wisdom, patience, and guidance all day every day. I cannot parent these children without Him.

Living as a mom has been an on-the-job learning experience.

Photo courtesy of GIRLintheCAFE

I wonder if you and your husband have experienced this same scenario. Picture this.

It’s late at night. We are both tired. We are both snuggled comfortably in our bed. Then we hear a little one cry and call for Mommy. (They always call for Mommy, don’t they?) There is a moment of silence in which you both pretend to be sleeping. The crying continues. Without opening my eyes, I beg for E to go take care of the problem. He reluctantly gets up to see what is the matter. He stumbles through a conversation with the little one, and puts her back to bed. The screaming protest begins. E shuts the door and returns to bed. The screaming continues, so I send him back – a few times. Finally, I give in and get up to deal with the little one. The little one settles down for a few more hours, and mom and dad try to go back to sleep.

The next day we are all exhausted. Is there a better way?

Do you ever feel like it is impossible to do everything that you need to do all in one day? I have been struggling with keeping up with the laundry and the housekeeping. I have even gotten the kids involved in the projects that they can do like stripping and making their beds, scrubbing the kitchen floor with soapy water and vinegar, and scrubbing the tub with baking soda. The work is endless, though!

I remember a workshop I took at a Mom to Mom that I used to attend. It was about how to organize your time. The speaker talked about how frustrating it can be for moms to be at home after being in the workforce. The work in a home is circular and never really gets finished each day, she explained, whereas in the workplace you have deadlines. When you are at home, you have to set reasonable expectations for what you can accomplish in a given day and what has to get done today. There will always be laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, but there are times when something is more pressing on a particular day, and that is what you focus on.

What great advice! I remind myself of that workshop frequently, especially when I get down on myself for not getting “enough” accomplished. I don’t understand how some moms can keep their homes spotless or even keep up with the daily chores. I know I cannot compare my life to other people’s lives, though, because my family is unique. It is an unfair comparison.

There are days that I cannot accomplish more than managing the kids and that is OK because that it what my family needs. I have to remember that I chose to stay home to raise my family not to be the housekeeper extraordinaire. I am teaching my children about life, and sometimes that kind of teaching requires me to get them involved in chores while at other times I need to show them love or I need to discipline them.

Each day I have to determine what needs my attention the most. I must say that most if the time it is my children who need my attention the most. The house can wait!

Photo courtesy of lorentey

I have started up a new consequences and rewards plan this week for my children. This is our third day using it, and I think it is helping us out a lot. I like how clear it is. There is a visual and kinesthetic component to it as well. It also reminds me to compliment good behavior more often.

We have always had a “three strikes and you’re out” policy (ie after the third time you are spoken to at the table you have to go to bed immediately.) It has been helpful, but I felt like the kids didn’t completely understand it. I’ve taken it a step further and used a strategy that I used in my classroom. It is a card turning system.

Blue = Great job!
Green = First warning. Lose 1st TV show.
Yellow = Second warning. Lose 2nd TV show.
Red = Final warning. Go to bed without books or songs.

Every day your child starts on blue (or a color of your choice). If there is an offense that warrents disciplinary action, you have your child turn the card to the next color (green in my case). The consequence is discussed at that time, and the day continues as usual. Please note that sometimes rather than turning the cards, there is a consequence that is specific to a particular behavior. For example, the kids refused to clean up their Little People set the other night, so they have lost the privilege to use them until next week.

The second part of the system is a sticker chart. I chose four behaviors that I want from each of my children and assigned each behavior an icon as a reminder for the kids. For example, C4 has Be Kind to Sister, Be Respectful to Adults, Obey Parents, and Get Dressed. A2 has Obey Parents, Use the Potty, Be Kind to Sister, and Stay in Bed. The rewarded behaviors will change over time as I see the children start using them without as much prompting. I give stickers throughout the day as the girls exhibit these target behaviors, especially when the situation makes it difficult for them to do the right thing. Today C4 got a sticker because she offered a younger friend one of her security blankets to use as a blanket for a doll. I knew that it was a challenge for her to let go of that special blanket in order to be kind to her friend, so I made a big deal out of praising her.

Living as a mom is being proactive instead of reactive.

Photo courtesy of simtax105

My ladies’ Bible study is learning about the fruit of the spirit, and today was the kick off the new study. I was struck by one thing our fearless leader talked about today. She made a distinction between bearing fruit being productive. She spoke specifically to the unique situation that stay at home moms are in. It spoke to my heart.

I am a goal oriented person. I am driven to produce high-quality work. I am a professional at heart. I want things to get done, and finishing a task gives me a sense of satisfaction. Parenting small children does not produce tangible results, though. There are days when I am beat, but I have nothing to show for it except a messy house.

The point of the lesson today was that bearing fruit does not always have an immediate product or even a tangible one. That is especially true with raising children. It can take months or even years before you see the fruit of your labor. Molding and shaping a child takes time and patience. There are days when a child need more direction and instruction than other days. Some days a child needs more nurturing. A parent never knows what a day with a child will bring.

So the dishes might have to wait while my children and I cuddle up together to read. The laundry will have to pile up while I pray with my children and answer their questions about God. And the bathroom will get cleaned another day because I am too busy teaching my kids how to apologize and forgive each other.

I am too busy producing fruit right now to worry about being productive!

Photo by Aemaeth

Fear.

We are bombarded by fear all of the time. It’s in the news. It’s in advertising. It’s part of being a mother. It has always been part of who I am.  Most of my life I struggled with fear, but fear was especially prevalent in my postpartum depression. It took hold of me and suffocated me.

Yesterday at Mom to Mom the speaker talked about fear. I was struck when she mentioned that our society perpetuates fear and makes parents feel like they have protect their children from everything as if parents have to be God. This describes exactly how I felt when I went through my postpartum depression. I knew that there were many dangers in the world, and I wanted to protect my baby from those dangers. My thoughts about the dangers played over and over in my head. I was hyper vigilant about hand washing and checking on the baby in the crib. I was consumed by the fear that if I was not that vigilant, something would surely happen to my baby.

The speaker read Scripture to reassure us parents, those afflicted with obsessive thoughts and those who are not.

The LORD is my light and salvation – whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

What a relief this is to me even now! There is no reason to be afraid; I have God! I do not have to protect my children from everything because I can’t possibly do that. My children belong to God, and He has a plan for each of them (Jeremiah 29:11). He will protect them because that is His job. Although parenting is a huge responsibility, I am not parenting alone. I have God!