I remember when I was a child that my mother rearranged the furniture regularly. Did your mom do that? It was always a big project for us and pretty exciting when the work was done. I  liked the feeling I got after the job was finished.

Yes, folks, I have turned into my mother!

I rearrange the furniture in our home with each season and a few times in between. I try out new configurations in order to accommodate our family’s changing needs. The traffic pattern fluctuates during different seasons. As the children grow, I have to adapt the environment to meet their needs. Besides sometimes I am in this house for 36 hours straight! Why wouldn’t I move things around? I need to at least feel like I have gone someplace new!

It drives E nuts when I move the furniture! I guess his mom didn’t rearrange the house much when he was a kid. His big complaint is that I am tired and sore for a few days after pushing the couches, the piano, and such around. He doesn’t see the benefits at all.

I know that there are benefits from all that furniture shifting and switching. First, I know that the kids and I have a new perspective on life for a while when we finish. Throughout the process, we also find lost toys and clean up messes that we didn’t know existed. The house becomes more user-friendly, too. I like the sense of accomplishment that I get, and I think it is good exercise!

If by simply organizing my working and living space we end up staying in our current home longer and avoid an expensive renovation, I think that E should be thankful and encourage me to do anything I want with the decor!

Photo courtesy of youngthousands

Mothering is an art form. Think about what mothers do every day.

1. Mothers nurture their children. For each child that looks different, though. Some children need Mommy to snuggle them often throughout the day. Other children need the freedom to explore independently and know that mom is nearby to ensure that everything is safe. Moms have to learn what each child needs through trial and error.
2. Mothers discipline their children. All children need to be taught right from wrong, but there are multiple ways to teach children those lessons. Each child responds differently. Some children fall to pieces if you raise your voice while other children need the adult in charge to be assertive and firm.
3. Mothers provide for their children’s needs. How many meals does a mother prepare a day? Moms make sure the kids are well dressed. Moms patch up their children’s boo-boos. Mothers hug and kiss their little ones to tell them that everything will be all right.
4. Mothers advocate for their children. Moms tell everyone how wonderful their children are and what great things their children can do. They insist that the pediatrician look into a concern. Moms call the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent if necessary. Moms research to find answers and follow through on that research. Mothers pray for their children.
5. Mothers love their children. Everything that a mother does comes from love, uncontional love, and mothers are blessed.

Happy Mother’s Day. Enjoy your blessings!

Photo courtesy of ~*~Sheyla~*~

Life is fragile and can change in an instant.

I remember the night that my life changed. That moment will be ingrained in my memory for the rest of my life. It started with the phone ringing in the middle of the night. Remembering that sound tears my body up even now. The voice I heard was my sister’s, but there was something odd in her voice that I couldn’t pinpoint. Then she said it, and I wish I could have made her stop. I wish I could have gone back to the moments before.

“Mom died tonight.”

“What?!”

“Dad found mom dead in their bed tonight. You have to come home.”

E and I had just seen my parents the day before. They came to our church for our baptism. My dad actually enjoyed the service and felt comfortable in our church. My parents even heard my testimony for the first time that day. We had a wonderful time celebrating with some cake. But I had no idea that I was hugging my mom for the very last time when I said good-bye to her that day.

When I was on the phone with my sister, I desperately wanted to go back to that day. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. E and I were married for almost two years. We recently bought our first home and got our first dog. Our life together was just beginning. Everything was going as planned, and we were living our dreams. Our life was blissful. As I listened to my sister, I longed to feel comfortable and happy again.

I didn’t realize how fragile life is as I watched my life change in front of my eyes.

This coming summer it will be six years since my mom died. I cannot believe it has been that long because it still feels like yesterday. Last night I was reminded how fresh those wounds still are. It hit me suddenly. After watching a hospital drama on TV, I completely lost it. It wasn’t one specific thing that happened on the show that started it. It was just the relationships and the events that reminded me of how much I miss being comforted by my mother. This is why I avoid watching my favorite “tear-jerker” movies and only watch comedies, much to E’s chagrin. It isn’t that I am afraid to start crying. I’m simply terrified that I won’t be able to stop crying. Last night I overcame that fear, though. I cried on E’s shoulder and confessed that I wanted my mother, that I had an ache in my heart for her, that I needed to be comforted by her and no one else would do. (Now I understand why my own kids cry for Mommy when they are distraught.) E held me tightly and listened. (He’s a good husband!)

After a bit, I was actually able to stop. I am one step closer to healing.

Remember this…

Life is fragile and can change in an instant.

Mine did.

Photo courtesy of sektordua

Live as a mom for a while and learn a lot! Here are a few things I have learned after becoming a mom…

~ I can run errands around the location of the clean public bathrooms. I never know when we are going to need one!

~ I have to take several extra napkins whenever we stop at a food establishment. There is always a spill or a runny nose. Those napkins also come in handy if that clean public bathroom is out of toilet paper!

~ I understand why drive-thru was invented. It’s not for lazy people as I thought before. No, it’s for moms with sleeping kids!

~ I can make a healthy meal out of just about anything in the freezer or the cabinet. It’s amazing how creative I can be when I have two cranky kids desperately needing dinner!

~ Bedtime and nap time are mostly for kids but parents benefit more. Mommy and Daddy need the rest!

~ I have to pick my battles. I don’t have to win every battle in order to win the war. Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to pick a fight with your kids.

~ My parents did do a few things right.  I take advantage of grandparent wisdom every day. My relationship with my dad is remarkably different now because I truly appreciate him and everything that he has done for me.

~ Although I know a lot about children in general, I don’t know as much as I would like to know. This parenting thing is an art form not a science!

~ I need to ask God for wisdom, patience, and guidance all day every day. I cannot parent these children without Him.

Living as a mom has been an on-the-job learning experience.

Photo courtesy of GIRLintheCAFE

Today Daddy had class all day, so I was on my own with the kids. It was a sweet day! I truly enjoyed being a mommy. We made some precious memories together.

We spent much of our day snuggled together reading our library books – a huge bag full. I think we read for at least an hour! C4 even read a couple of books to me and A2. I’m struck by the fact that the girls love reading much more than I ever remember reading when I was young. I suppose Mom’s doing something right!

We used up some scrapbooking paper that I have had forever. Someone gave me paper for a baby album, and I never got around to using it. There were great pictures in the kit that you punch out, and the girls were able to create collages.  I even made a simple book for C4 to read with the pictures. We chatted away while we created our works of art. (Those pictures are being sent to an auntie.) It was a great opportunity for me and the girls to simply connect and have fun together.

We went for a bike ride with Auntie P and her boyfriend J. They live in NY, so we get to see them from time to time. It was funny to watch all of them together. J and Auntie P took turns pushing the back of A2’s bike. Then they took turns chasing C4 on her bike. They even played a chase game together. It was priceless to watch them play!

Grammie brought a couple of baby birds over today, too. (She breeds birds of all kinds.) The girls love to pet her birds. I love how they have a unique opportunity to learn about birds. They see first hand what baby birds look and feel like. They are learning to be gentle and care for an animal. And it is a special hobby that they share with their grandmother.

A memory making day indeed!

Photo courtesy of djakartafotografi.com

Photo by Aemaeth

Fear.

We are bombarded by fear all of the time. It’s in the news. It’s in advertising. It’s part of being a mother. It has always been part of who I am.  Most of my life I struggled with fear, but fear was especially prevalent in my postpartum depression. It took hold of me and suffocated me.

Yesterday at Mom to Mom the speaker talked about fear. I was struck when she mentioned that our society perpetuates fear and makes parents feel like they have protect their children from everything as if parents have to be God. This describes exactly how I felt when I went through my postpartum depression. I knew that there were many dangers in the world, and I wanted to protect my baby from those dangers. My thoughts about the dangers played over and over in my head. I was hyper vigilant about hand washing and checking on the baby in the crib. I was consumed by the fear that if I was not that vigilant, something would surely happen to my baby.

The speaker read Scripture to reassure us parents, those afflicted with obsessive thoughts and those who are not.

The LORD is my light and salvation – whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

What a relief this is to me even now! There is no reason to be afraid; I have God! I do not have to protect my children from everything because I can’t possibly do that. My children belong to God, and He has a plan for each of them (Jeremiah 29:11). He will protect them because that is His job. Although parenting is a huge responsibility, I am not parenting alone. I have God!

This post originally appeared in my sister blog, Homeschooling Coach. Stop by that blog to read more about the joys and trials of home education as well as tips and curriculum ideas.

Photo by Luis Bethencourt

In a previous post I told the story of my journey to being healed from postpartum depression after my first baby. When I read a post on TheCoolMomGuide about postpartum depression, I thought I should tell the rest of the story about my road to health, the one that starts with the birth of my second baby.

I gave birth naturally to my second baby with a midwife. The labor was easier and shorter, and the midwife was wonderful and encouraging. I nursed the baby in the delivery room to encourage bonding. I was confident this time around. I was full of energy, too. The first night that I was in the hospital I sent the baby with the nurses so I could rest knowing that I had a two year old to take care of at home. That night I could not sleep at all. I should have known that something was not right, but I figured that it was just excitement.

Photo by babasteve

After spending two days in the hospital and feeling great while I was there, I brought home this sweet baby, my second child, to find out that I was just not prepared for what I had in store for me. I had trouble nursing this baby, which wasn’t a problem with my first. It took an hour to nurse and change the baby. By the time I was finished with everything, it was time to start all over again. This baby just did not sleep. The colic was horrible, too, and after the colic was resolved, the baby’s separation anxiety kicked in. I had a two year old who was completely out of control because there was nothing left in me to do anything for this poor kid. I simply couldn’t get a break from the children at all.

My postpartum depression came back, and it was awful. I was angry all of the time. I yelled at my husband, and I wanted control over something, so I started obsessively washing my hands. Thoughts about the baby’s safety raced through my head constantly, so I was hyper-vigilant about everything. My anger got worse, and the fights between me and my husband got more frequent. I felt like the worst mother ever because I could not nurse my baby properly without support from a lactation consultant, my baby would not sleep, and the crying was constant. I didn’t have time for my two year old, my husband, or me. I was sad and weepy. I needed rest and a break from everything.

When the baby was 6 months old, I finally decided that I could not do it on my own anymore. It took all the courage that I could muster to call my midwife to ask for a recommendation for a therapist. I am so glad that I made that call, though. I began with three therapy sessions a week. It took a couple of months for me to break down and talk to a psychiatric nurse about taking medication (because my therapist is not a psychiatrist). It took some time to find the right medication and the right dose, but once that was worked out, I was finally on the right path. I noticed a really big difference in my attitude and the everyday happenings. The first change was with my ability to make it through the day better; I wasn’t calling my husband to come home at 4:00. I was sleeping better, too. My therapist even helped me to make some life changes that made life work better. She also gave me some perspective on the things that I was obsessing over.

Now I feel better than I ever have before. I know that each day holds different challenges, but now that I take my medication, my mind is clear. I can make good decisions for me and my family. I know that I am a better wife and mother now. Now I am the woman my family deserves.

If you are experiencing anything like what I have described here, please seek help from a professional. Here is a link that may help you.

Photo by ninjapoodles

One of the hardest things about being a mom is being the bad guy. I love my kids so much, and I want to give them their hearts’ desires. And I know I have to be “the enforcer” because I love them. I just don’t like it. It is especially difficult to be an enforcer since C4 is a strong-willed child.

Photo by brokinhrt2

Today being “the enforcer” meant that I had to listen to a tantrum for 45 minutes. I had to remain calm (which is so hard to do when you’ve been listening to a 4 year old scream and accuse you of being a horrible human being), and I had to restate the rule over and over. In the end it paid off, though. Eventually she gave up the tantrum and obeyed me. However, there were natural consequences. Because C4 had the tantrum that lasted for so long, she missed out on eating dinner with me and A2, so she had to eat and take her bath alone. She was sad about that, and I was sad for her.

Tonight I was successful in teaching the lesson that Mommy is in charge and you are expected to obey. It is such a hard lesson to learn.

What did I learn? I was successful for a few reasons.

• I did not make the moment about me, but about C4’s choices and behavior.
• I kept my emotions out of it because often times she plays off of my emotional response.
• I also followed through with the expectation instead of negotiating.

It is a hard lesson for me to learn as well. C4 will test the boundries. She will experience consequences for her choices, and sometimes I have to be the one to enforce those consequences. I am The Enforcer, and I have my work cut out for me. I am up to the challenge thanks to the small victories my God gives me!

As a mother of young children, my quiet time is often hard to squeeze into our busy days. However, I find that it really does refresh me. I have been attending a ladies’ Bible study, and my hubby and I are part of a small group through our church. These groups give me some opportunities to connect with God. I just need to find the time during the day to do it on my own. Here are a couple of things that I have discovered:

• I have to be flexible about when I have my quiet time. I cannot always count on having it at a certain time during the day since ANYTHING can happen in my house at any time. Sometimes I can spend time with God during nap time, but now I usually sleep during that time because I am so exhausted. There are days that I have to wait until right before bed. I have been successful doing it while sitting on the floor as the children play, but not often.
• I have started doing devotions with the kids. They love it, and sometimes it is the only time I am able to spend with God.
• I write verses on sticky notes and post them on the bathroom mirror or on my Bible. That way I at least have some of God’s word bouncing around my head during the day.
• I pray when I have a moment. That could be when I fold the laundry or while I do the dishes. Sometimes I can only say, “Help!” I am also trying to set the example that we pray about everything, so I will pray with the children when they are frightened or when they have a praise.
• I play praise music when I remember to put it on. The songs are soothing to me and the kids. We also sing about positive things more often when we have been listening to praise music.
• I receive e-mails with prayer requests from friends and a couple of groups that I am part of. I pray for those requests when I receive them. I might not have time later, and chances are, I will forget about the requests.
• If a friend mentions a prayer request, I offer to pray in the moment if that seems OK with her. Again, I will forget to pray later.

I hope that this offers you a few ideas to help you maintain a connection with God even when it seems impossible.

Today was a better day for me and my family. We actually spent the day together. We went apple picking, a New England tradition that my family loves! It was so much fun to watch the kids with their daddy. The children were really excited about going to the orchard. We were outside enjoying the beautiful day and the foliage all while making memories as a family. It was such a great day!

I learned a couple of lessons as a wife and mother today. I need to be thankful for my blessings. I have two amazing children and a husband who loves me more than I can ever imagine. We have been blessed with the means to do fun things as a family such as go apple picking. I also learned that I need to take a step back and watch my husband in action with our children. He is a fantastic father, and he has great instincts. I would never know that if I didn’t watch him with the children. Today I was able to reflect on these lessons as I enjoyed being with my family.

Thank you, Lord, for such a wonderful day with my family! Help me to see the blessings in the everyday things. I want to be thankful for Your provision and Your love.