The dentist.

What do you think of when I mention the dentist? Do you think of that Bill Cosby routine where he talks about the Novocaine numbing him so much that he couldn’t talk ?

What thoughts does bringing your children to the dentist conjure up? Is it a lot of work? Do you have a child who is frightened of the dentist? Going to the dentist with a child who has SPD can be a nightmare that goes beyond the typical fear children have from doctor’s visits and unfamiliar situations.

Today I brought both of my kids to the dentist. This was the second time that C5 had ever been to a dentist. Her first trip to the dentist was about a year ago, and it was by far the worst medical experience that C5 and I ever had together – even worse than getting shots. I was frustrated, and she was terrified. The dentist pushed through the exam even though C5 was panicked and screaming. Things really went awry when the dentist insisted that I lay down on the chair and restrain C5 so that she could count her teeth. You can be sure that C5 and I will never forget that, and we’ll never go back to that dentist.

In an effort to avoid living through that again, I got a referral from our pediatrician for a new dentist. Other moms told me how wonderful this new particular dentist is. So I dove in and made an appointment for both kids. It turned out to be a great decision!

Today C5 panicked just as the hygienist touched her mouth. It took some time to calm her down and coax her back into the chair. Our hygienist spent a long time showing her the instruments and explaining the procedures step by step. With much patience the hygenist was able to clean C5’s teeth and finish most of the exam. This hygienist even got C5 to laugh! The dentist himself was also quite successful with his examination. He explained that his approach is to establish trust and then help kids learn cope with the whole dental experience rather than avoid things that cause problems for child such as noise and light. He believes that it is the best way to equip children with special needs for the real world. I completely agree with him. We are returning to the dentist in a couple of weeks in order to establish that dental visits are OK and to build familiarity. He is even going to try to do things that are unexpected in order to teach C5 how to cope with a dentist visit.

C5 was positive and proud at the end of the visit. She was trilled that she was able to tell everyone all the things that she learned at the dentist. She was also particularly excited about one discovery that the dentist made. C5 has two loose teeth.

HERE COMES THE TOOTH FAIRY!

Swimming lessons have begun! We took two rounds of lessons last year and decided to take a break. C4 was terrified of the water last year and refused to put her face in at all. It was not worth it to me to force the issue, so we stopped. Besides, my goal is simply for her to be able to swim not for her to compete or anything like that. Waiting was the right choice! She had a great time today, and she wasn’t even nervous before the class started.

We arrived at the lesson early to allow the kids to warm up to the situation. My kids adjust better to anything new if I explain what will happen and answer their questions at the venue. It seems to relax them – and me. I also give important safety information. For example, today we talked about the life guard’s job. I also explained that they might hear a whistle blow, and three blows mean that the life guard wants to clear the pool. My kids are so curious, and they are pretty independent thinkers. They often question the authority figure when they are told to do something that appears confusing. That kind of questioning seems defiant to some adults even though the questions are not to meant to defy authority. I try to avoid having that happen, especially on the first day of a class.

I saw my little girl actually swim from the side of the pool to the rope and back again with the barbells. She splashed in the water. She even went down the slide into the pool. She smiled the whole time, too! She did check with me throughout the class, but there was no sign of distress. What progress! I am so glad to see her enjoy the water now.

Wednesday is A2’s turn with her very first lesson with Mommy. I’ll keep you posted!

Photo courtesyof  bonsaihiker

Do you ever feel like it is impossible to do everything that you need to do all in one day? I have been struggling with keeping up with the laundry and the housekeeping. I have even gotten the kids involved in the projects that they can do like stripping and making their beds, scrubbing the kitchen floor with soapy water and vinegar, and scrubbing the tub with baking soda. The work is endless, though!

I remember a workshop I took at a Mom to Mom that I used to attend. It was about how to organize your time. The speaker talked about how frustrating it can be for moms to be at home after being in the workforce. The work in a home is circular and never really gets finished each day, she explained, whereas in the workplace you have deadlines. When you are at home, you have to set reasonable expectations for what you can accomplish in a given day and what has to get done today. There will always be laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, but there are times when something is more pressing on a particular day, and that is what you focus on.

What great advice! I remind myself of that workshop frequently, especially when I get down on myself for not getting “enough” accomplished. I don’t understand how some moms can keep their homes spotless or even keep up with the daily chores. I know I cannot compare my life to other people’s lives, though, because my family is unique. It is an unfair comparison.

There are days that I cannot accomplish more than managing the kids and that is OK because that it what my family needs. I have to remember that I chose to stay home to raise my family not to be the housekeeper extraordinaire. I am teaching my children about life, and sometimes that kind of teaching requires me to get them involved in chores while at other times I need to show them love or I need to discipline them.

Each day I have to determine what needs my attention the most. I must say that most if the time it is my children who need my attention the most. The house can wait!

Photo courtesy of lorentey

E and I have been in our house for almost 6 years now. We knew that this home would be a starter when we bought it. We figured that we would be able to move to a bigger home or put on an addition as our family grew. The economy is not doing well, and I’m not sure that we will be able to do either now.

The other problem is that we cannot decide what it is that we want out of a home. You see, our priorities are different. E does not understand why I demand to have certain things in a home, and since he isn’t home all day with the kids, he doesn’t feel the impact of our home’s imperfections. For example, I think that our kitchen is simply too small. The four of us are squeezed in there right now, and it is impossible to feed any guests in our kitchen. Instead we put the table in the family room where the kids’ toys are. It just does not work.

We have finally concluded that we need to find out how much it would cost to do any work on our home. Then we will know if it is feasible to do any kind of project. It is hard to make a decision when you don’t have all of the facts. I am willing to pay Lowes to measure my kitchen and draw up various plans that we can consider. That is our next step.

In the meantime, I suppose I have to find a way to make it work for us!

Sometimes my life feels a lot like the movie “Groundhog Day”.When you are a mother of very young children, your days usually look pretty much the same, and you are faced with the same dilemmas over and over again. Little kids love continuity and need repetition. If you are like me, you don’t necessarily like how mundane the routine can feel. I am an optimist, though, and there is a silver lining experiencing the same old same old schedule. I have found that it gives me the opportunity to make better decisions the next day. Let me explain.

One of the most difficult things for me as a mother is knowing what course of action is the best. I am not a good decision maker in general since I am such a perfectionist. Often times I make a decision by default since I end up missing an opportunity instead of making a move. As a mom, I feel like I make hundreds of on-the-spot decisions that can impact the rest of our day or week tremendously. However, making different decisions about the same scenario allows me to test the outcome of each decision. As in “Groundhog Day”, I know that the same scenario will come the next day, so if I fail at this attempt, I will get another chance to figure it out.  I can also stick with a particular strategy for a week or so to see if that helps. In the end, I hope that by being repeatedly faced with the same scenarios, as in “Groundhog Day”, I learn something about how to make better decisions for me and my family.

I suppose being a mother requires practice, patience, and perseverance, and ultimately, motherhood is God’s way of transforming me. (Romans 12:2; 2 Corinthians 3:18)

This post originally appeared in my sister blog, Homeschooling Coach. Please visit that blog for more posts like this one.

My dear hubby, Techno Man, has the difficult job of loving me for the rest of his life. I’m not sure he knew what he was getting into when he married me. I have never hidden anything from him in the twelve years that we’ve been together, but love can be blind. Once the haze of bliss clears, reality sets in, and it is often too late to bail out! Anyway, I can be very difficult to love. I am bossy. I am moody. I am impatient. Being a perfectionist often keeps me from being able to show my loved ones grace and to forgive them. Mix that all together with how difficult it is for me to deal with change and stress and you will encounter many confrontations and difficult days.

Today happened to be just one of those difficult days because of me. I wanted to get things done my way – because isn’t my way the best way? I think so, but Techno Man doesn’t always think that, and the kids definitely think that I am crazy when I try to assert my authority. We all were in disagreement in the shoe store, no less. I must tell you that my kiddos absolutely love to go shoe shopping, and I hate shopping for shoes. This can make for a very challenging trip in and of itself. The kiddos want to try on every pair of shoes in the store and run around trying them out while I spend the time trying to rein them in and decide which shoes are the best fit at the best price. Techno Man is not usually with us on these said shoe shopping adventures, but it happened that he was around at a time when we really needed to go shoe shopping. (Mother of the Year Award: One kid was squeezing into a 13 1/2 shoe, but is actually a size 2, and the other kid was wearing a size 8, but is actually a size 9 wide. How did I miss that?)

Anyway, Techno Man and I have very different approaches to shopping in general. Usually he wants to look around and think about what he might buy. I like to get it over and done with. However, I have found in the past that this approach does not work with buying shoes for the kids. The kids are much more cooperative if I give them the time they want to “shop” their options. Being a mom, though, I am also thinking about the price, the usefulness, and the longevity of the shoes. Many times I am also on the look out for the next pair of shoes we will need in case we encounter a clearance rack. Techno Man does not know about the inner thought process of a mom because, well, he’s not a mom. Daddies don’t think about these things because mommies do that. That’s how we compliment each other.

The shopping trip went south after we tried on two or three pairs of shoes and asked if another pair came in the right size. At that point I saw the clearance rack. Lights shined on it and the heavenly music played. Yes, I was mesmerized because I saw my chance of finding a pair of snow boots for cheap! Techno Man had had it, though, once I pulled down the boots and the pair of shoes we asked for were brought to us from the back room. The melt down began. I wanted to do it my way, but Techno Man felt that the shopping trip was getting out of hand. He said I was getting us side tracked and now there were too many choices. He walked away after we exchanged words. Of course the disagreement continued once we were in the car, and it go ugly!

I really wanted to have all of the control. I am used to being the one in charge because most of the time I am. I usually go on the shoe shopping extravaganzas by myself, so I get to decide when we are finished looking at our options and if we will look at sale shoes for the next season. It is difficult for me to let someone else be in charge. I especially get frustrated with Techno Man because he doesn’t have all of the background information to make the decisions that I think are the “right” ones. The crux of the problem was that I was passing judgment on Techno Man’s ability to make decisions. Who is in charge?

Deep down I want my husband to be the head of the household since the Bible tells us that that is his place (Ephesians 5:23). I just can’t seem to let go enough to let him have that place. I need to let this man who loves me (despite the fact that I am so difficult to love) lead our family. He is a Godly man. He is a loving husband and father. He can make good decisions. (He married me, didn’t he?!) I need to let him be in charge – at least once in a while!

Lord, help me to let go of the control that I so desperately seek and allow my husband be the head of our home. Teach me to be a wife who can love, support, and encourage my husband as he leads our family.