Living as a mom

Archive for the ‘Motherhood’ Category

I can’t believe that our baby is due in 17 days! We have been so busy preparing for the big arrival. The girls have been really helpful, too. Then there is a bit of anxiety about how everything will turn out. This is an exciting time!

I have been thinking about how I have changed since becoming a mother.

As I become a more experienced mom, I continue to lean more and more towards holistic/attachment parenting ideas. I like to feed my family whole foods as much as possible. I strive to get my family to exercise regularly. I used a sling with my girls and “wore” both of them as much as possible. I nursed my two girls until they were 14 and 18 months respectively and plan to nurse our third baby for as long as the baby and I want to. I even let A3 sleep with us if she wakes in the middle of the night, which I never would have done in the past. I am also considering eco-friendly diapers this time around. And the choice that sets me apart where I live is that I gave birth naturally twice, once with an OB/GYN and once with a midwife, and I plan to again. This time I am considering a water birth, too. In fact, I have always wanted to have a home birth, but E doesn’t feel comfortable with that idea.

I guess what surprises me is that I wanted so much control in the beginning and now I’m not expecting nearly as much control. My plan was to be an incredible mom. I was going to stay at home so I could focus on raising our children. I would cook delicious meals and bake with the kids. My children would be well-behaved and polite. I would have a clean and orderly house. Our kids would have a strict bedtime routine, go to bed without any fuss, and sleep through the night every night.

Then I met our kids.

I learned quickly that I can’t have all of the control. I can set the routine, but I have to be flexible. Sometimes the kids need something different than what was planned. Sometimes I need to change it up so I can make it through the day. There is a pile of clean laundry in my house all of the time because, quite frankly, I have lots of things that I need to do, and I don’t always have the interest or the time to get to the clothes. I now understand that I can teach my children right from wrong, but ultimately, they are responsible for their own choices. There are days and nights that my children need to be close to Mommy and Daddy, so they snuggle in our bed with us. There are also nights that Mommy cannot be a mother for another second and Daddy is expected to take over nurturing duties for a while.

So my kids have taught me how to be a good mother, the mother that they need instead of the mother I imagine I should be. And here I thought I was going to do all of the teaching!

Photo courtesy of frielp

Being pregnant with baby #3 has been tough. I did this on purpose, right? Of course it is all worth it in the end! I have morning sickness, but it isn’t as bad as it was with the first two pregnancies. It’s harder, though, because I have two active, precocious children to educate and care for. I am tired and cranky, but I don’t have any fight in me these days. I’ve let a lot of things go lately, including the house. The kids are on to me, too, so they are getting into lots of things these days. It sometimes feels like I’ve lost all of the control here. I can’t wait to start feeling better so I can be in charge!

Photo courtesy of meemal

I am embarrassed by how long it has taken me to get back to my blogs! Please accept my sincere apologies, dear readers!

I hope you noticed the new ticker on my sidebar.

Yes, I am pregnant with baby #3!

We are so very excited about the news. What a blessing this baby is! If you have been following my blog, you know that we have wanted to grow our family for a long time, but we just weren’t sure if we were willing to take the risks that come with that decision. I have a  history of postpartum depression, and I have been medicated for about 3 years now. It is likely that I will have trouble with another pregnancy. We have spent the last couple of years praying and seeking advice from various health professionals and finally decided to take the leap of faith.

After considering the advice from my doctor, we decided that it would be best for me to stay on my antidepressants through this pregnancy. This was a difficult decision for me as I know that there is a slight risk of birth defects. We are trusting God on this one, though. “Every good and perfect gift is from above” James 1:17. We both are at peace with this choice now, knowing that in the end, I will be a better mother for it. We are praying for a healthy baby, a healthy mom, and a healthy family.

I can’t believe that we are having another baby!! It feels great to share the news now!

We have been home this week since the kids have been sick with fevers and a cough. Thankfully they have been in good spirits overall. It has been an opportunity to for me to watch them play. You’d be amazed by what you can hear when the kids don’t know you are listening.

The girls are fascinated by babies these days. Their play revolves mostly around baby behavior and mother-child interaction. They prefer to role play instead of using dollies for this game, though. One of the girls will play mommy and the other will be the baby. The baby will make some kind of mischief while crawling around the house, and the mommy will have to scold or redirect the baby. I have heard a lot of the language that I use when they play this game. It is funny to hear yourself in your children’s conversations!

The girls also really like the concept of nursing and soothing a baby. They have questioned me extensively about how it all works. I am honest and explain as much about the process as possible since I think it is really important to answer the kids’ questions at an age appropriate level.  They are so interested in this that they even nurse their dollies. Since I am not nursing a baby these days, it is intriguing to see them play around with this idea. I wonder why they are so fascinated by nursing.

I am curious to see what concepts the girls will try to tackle next!

Photo courtesy of Indiewench

I happy to report that my pooch is doing well. She was miserable with the Elizabethan collar and banged it on everything in an attempt to get it off. We gave in and took it off. So far so good with the wound healing.

The vet called with the report on the biopsy. This tumor was a grade 2, but he was confident that he removed the whole tumor and got good margins. I desperately hope that my dog doesn’t have to deal with anymore of this. It is sad.

The kids have been great with the dog. They have lots of questions about her “boo boo”, but they are being kind and gentle with her. Thankfully the whole experience hasn’t distressed them at all as similar dog injuries have in the past.

Our dog is part of our family. The kids love to play her and talk to her as if she is a human. With that in mind, I have been thinking about and dreading talking with my kids about our pet’s illnesses, injuries, and eventual death when those situations arise. We believe in being truthful and answering our kids’ questions in age appropriate ways, but I know that it will be difficult for me to discuss the honest questions that the kids will ask. Sometimes it is really hard to be the grown up!

At Mom to Mom the other day the talk was about celebrating motherhood. It was a very encouraging talk, yet I felt a bit teary-eyed. It was a little embarrassing for me, too.  The speaker today asked us to list a few things that we think we each do well as mothers. That task just set me off. I found it difficult to find things that I can say I do well.

I’m not very confident about my mothering sometimes. There are many days that I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing, and that discourages me. I rely on support from other moms and from Mom to Mom to help me with my insecurities. Having a network is crucial for me, so I can learn different parenting strategies from my friends. I also find that I am able to lean on these moms when I am feeling unsure and even teary-eyed. I like that it is possible for me to let down my guard and be comforted by people who truly understand the way that I feel sometimes. The other wonderful piece of being part of a network of moms is that I know I can encourage other moms when they feel insecure.

Living as a mom in a community gives me confidence in my ability to mother.

Photo courtesy of ro gianesi

Mothering is an art form. Think about what mothers do every day.

1. Mothers nurture their children. For each child that looks different, though. Some children need Mommy to snuggle them often throughout the day. Other children need the freedom to explore independently and know that mom is nearby to ensure that everything is safe. Moms have to learn what each child needs through trial and error.
2. Mothers discipline their children. All children need to be taught right from wrong, but there are multiple ways to teach children those lessons. Each child responds differently. Some children fall to pieces if you raise your voice while other children need the adult in charge to be assertive and firm.
3. Mothers provide for their children’s needs. How many meals does a mother prepare a day? Moms make sure the kids are well dressed. Moms patch up their children’s boo-boos. Mothers hug and kiss their little ones to tell them that everything will be all right.
4. Mothers advocate for their children. Moms tell everyone how wonderful their children are and what great things their children can do. They insist that the pediatrician look into a concern. Moms call the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent if necessary. Moms research to find answers and follow through on that research. Mothers pray for their children.
5. Mothers love their children. Everything that a mother does comes from love, uncontional love, and mothers are blessed.

Happy Mother’s Day. Enjoy your blessings!

Photo courtesy of ~*~Sheyla~*~

Mother’s Day is this weekend! My kids are still very young so they aren’t responsible for planning anything themselves. That means it is all on Daddy to plan something special for me. I have been after him to plan something special for his own mother, so I’m hoping that he takes the hint. What do you think he has planned for me?

Is it appropriate for me to remind my sweet hubby to plan something special for me? Should I tell him to have the kids make cards for me? Having to remind him just takes away from the whole experience. It makes it feel contrived.

How do you handle Mother’s Day in your house? I am looking for solid tips for Mother’s Day!

Life is fragile and can change in an instant.

I remember the night that my life changed. That moment will be ingrained in my memory for the rest of my life. It started with the phone ringing in the middle of the night. Remembering that sound tears my body up even now. The voice I heard was my sister’s, but there was something odd in her voice that I couldn’t pinpoint. Then she said it, and I wish I could have made her stop. I wish I could have gone back to the moments before.

“Mom died tonight.”

“What?!”

“Dad found mom dead in their bed tonight. You have to come home.”

E and I had just seen my parents the day before. They came to our church for our baptism. My dad actually enjoyed the service and felt comfortable in our church. My parents even heard my testimony for the first time that day. We had a wonderful time celebrating with some cake. But I had no idea that I was hugging my mom for the very last time when I said good-bye to her that day.

When I was on the phone with my sister, I desperately wanted to go back to that day. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. E and I were married for almost two years. We recently bought our first home and got our first dog. Our life together was just beginning. Everything was going as planned, and we were living our dreams. Our life was blissful. As I listened to my sister, I longed to feel comfortable and happy again.

I didn’t realize how fragile life is as I watched my life change in front of my eyes.

This coming summer it will be six years since my mom died. I cannot believe it has been that long because it still feels like yesterday. Last night I was reminded how fresh those wounds still are. It hit me suddenly. After watching a hospital drama on TV, I completely lost it. It wasn’t one specific thing that happened on the show that started it. It was just the relationships and the events that reminded me of how much I miss being comforted by my mother. This is why I avoid watching my favorite “tear-jerker” movies and only watch comedies, much to E’s chagrin. It isn’t that I am afraid to start crying. I’m simply terrified that I won’t be able to stop crying. Last night I overcame that fear, though. I cried on E’s shoulder and confessed that I wanted my mother, that I had an ache in my heart for her, that I needed to be comforted by her and no one else would do. (Now I understand why my own kids cry for Mommy when they are distraught.) E held me tightly and listened. (He’s a good husband!)

After a bit, I was actually able to stop. I am one step closer to healing.

Remember this…

Life is fragile and can change in an instant.

Mine did.

Photo courtesy of sektordua