Living as a mom

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

I remember when I was a child that my mother rearranged the furniture regularly. Did your mom do that? It was always a big project for us and pretty exciting when the work was done. I  liked the feeling I got after the job was finished.

Yes, folks, I have turned into my mother!

I rearrange the furniture in our home with each season and a few times in between. I try out new configurations in order to accommodate our family’s changing needs. The traffic pattern fluctuates during different seasons. As the children grow, I have to adapt the environment to meet their needs. Besides sometimes I am in this house for 36 hours straight! Why wouldn’t I move things around? I need to at least feel like I have gone someplace new!

It drives E nuts when I move the furniture! I guess his mom didn’t rearrange the house much when he was a kid. His big complaint is that I am tired and sore for a few days after pushing the couches, the piano, and such around. He doesn’t see the benefits at all.

I know that there are benefits from all that furniture shifting and switching. First, I know that the kids and I have a new perspective on life for a while when we finish. Throughout the process, we also find lost toys and clean up messes that we didn’t know existed. The house becomes more user-friendly, too. I like the sense of accomplishment that I get, and I think it is good exercise!

If by simply organizing my working and living space we end up staying in our current home longer and avoid an expensive renovation, I think that E should be thankful and encourage me to do anything I want with the decor!

Photo courtesy of youngthousands

Mother’s Day is this weekend! My kids are still very young so they aren’t responsible for planning anything themselves. That means it is all on Daddy to plan something special for me. I have been after him to plan something special for his own mother, so I’m hoping that he takes the hint. What do you think he has planned for me?

Is it appropriate for me to remind my sweet hubby to plan something special for me? Should I tell him to have the kids make cards for me? Having to remind him just takes away from the whole experience. It makes it feel contrived.

How do you handle Mother’s Day in your house? I am looking for solid tips for Mother’s Day!

Life is fragile and can change in an instant.

I remember the night that my life changed. That moment will be ingrained in my memory for the rest of my life. It started with the phone ringing in the middle of the night. Remembering that sound tears my body up even now. The voice I heard was my sister’s, but there was something odd in her voice that I couldn’t pinpoint. Then she said it, and I wish I could have made her stop. I wish I could have gone back to the moments before.

“Mom died tonight.”

“What?!”

“Dad found mom dead in their bed tonight. You have to come home.”

E and I had just seen my parents the day before. They came to our church for our baptism. My dad actually enjoyed the service and felt comfortable in our church. My parents even heard my testimony for the first time that day. We had a wonderful time celebrating with some cake. But I had no idea that I was hugging my mom for the very last time when I said good-bye to her that day.

When I was on the phone with my sister, I desperately wanted to go back to that day. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. E and I were married for almost two years. We recently bought our first home and got our first dog. Our life together was just beginning. Everything was going as planned, and we were living our dreams. Our life was blissful. As I listened to my sister, I longed to feel comfortable and happy again.

I didn’t realize how fragile life is as I watched my life change in front of my eyes.

This coming summer it will be six years since my mom died. I cannot believe it has been that long because it still feels like yesterday. Last night I was reminded how fresh those wounds still are. It hit me suddenly. After watching a hospital drama on TV, I completely lost it. It wasn’t one specific thing that happened on the show that started it. It was just the relationships and the events that reminded me of how much I miss being comforted by my mother. This is why I avoid watching my favorite “tear-jerker” movies and only watch comedies, much to E’s chagrin. It isn’t that I am afraid to start crying. I’m simply terrified that I won’t be able to stop crying. Last night I overcame that fear, though. I cried on E’s shoulder and confessed that I wanted my mother, that I had an ache in my heart for her, that I needed to be comforted by her and no one else would do. (Now I understand why my own kids cry for Mommy when they are distraught.) E held me tightly and listened. (He’s a good husband!)

After a bit, I was actually able to stop. I am one step closer to healing.

Remember this…

Life is fragile and can change in an instant.

Mine did.

Photo courtesy of sektordua

I wonder if you and your husband have experienced this same scenario. Picture this.

It’s late at night. We are both tired. We are both snuggled comfortably in our bed. Then we hear a little one cry and call for Mommy. (They always call for Mommy, don’t they?) There is a moment of silence in which you both pretend to be sleeping. The crying continues. Without opening my eyes, I beg for E to go take care of the problem. He reluctantly gets up to see what is the matter. He stumbles through a conversation with the little one, and puts her back to bed. The screaming protest begins. E shuts the door and returns to bed. The screaming continues, so I send him back – a few times. Finally, I give in and get up to deal with the little one. The little one settles down for a few more hours, and mom and dad try to go back to sleep.

The next day we are all exhausted. Is there a better way?

Living as a mom when you are sick is tough! I started to feel badly on Friday night. Of course, Sunday was E’s birthday. I was completely incapable of doing anything at all for him. In fact, he had to take over with the kids so I could nap. I feel awful about the whole thing! Lucky for him we are celebrating his birthday with lots of friends when we go skiing this weekend – not so lucky for me with the way I am feeling.

I’m waiting on the doctor’s office to call me back. My house is a disaster. I have a ton of work to finish for my workshop next week. And we are going on a ski trip this weekend. Agh! How am I going to manage everything?

What are your strategies for managing the kids, the house, and life in general when you are not feeling well? I need some help!

E and I have been in our house for almost 6 years now. We knew that this home would be a starter when we bought it. We figured that we would be able to move to a bigger home or put on an addition as our family grew. The economy is not doing well, and I’m not sure that we will be able to do either now.

The other problem is that we cannot decide what it is that we want out of a home. You see, our priorities are different. E does not understand why I demand to have certain things in a home, and since he isn’t home all day with the kids, he doesn’t feel the impact of our home’s imperfections. For example, I think that our kitchen is simply too small. The four of us are squeezed in there right now, and it is impossible to feed any guests in our kitchen. Instead we put the table in the family room where the kids’ toys are. It just does not work.

We have finally concluded that we need to find out how much it would cost to do any work on our home. Then we will know if it is feasible to do any kind of project. It is hard to make a decision when you don’t have all of the facts. I am willing to pay Lowes to measure my kitchen and draw up various plans that we can consider. That is our next step.

In the meantime, I suppose I have to find a way to make it work for us!

Photo by singsing_sky

This is a revised version of a post that originally appeared in my sister blog, Homeschooling Coach. Please visit that blog for homeschooling tips & curriculum ideas as well as stories about the joys & trials of home education.

This is such a busy time of year. You are doing a lot right now with the holidays upon us. Do you find that it is difficult to find time for your spouse? It is so hard to do it all, and often times something has to give. I encourage you to consider a few ways to stay connected with your spouse even when it seems like there is no time.

Photo by Sammis Co

1. Have dessert or tea together after the children are in bed. This is your time to reconnect and discuss the day. It is a great stress reliever, too. The only rule is that you cannot do anything else like watch TV. It also only needs to take 5-10 minutes of your evening.
2. Leave each other love notes. You can leave a note in your hubby’s brief case telling him how much you love him, or leave a note in his car to tell him that you are thinking about him. Send him an e-mail to say, “I love you.” It means a lot when you take a moment out of your day to remind your hubby that he is special to you.
3. Choose a date night. You don’t have to spend a lot of money or even go anywhere fancy. The only thing that matters is that you are together. You can even have your date at home if you have to.
4. Laugh together. Tickle each other. Tell jokes. Watch a funny TV show. Get silly. Laughter is a great way to deal with stress!
5. Reminisce. Rekindling those memories helps you to feel the same way you did way back when. Look through a photo album or remind each other of stories from when you were dating.
6. Do something unexpected for your spouse. Meet your hubby at the door with a long, passionate kiss. Make a special meal for your husband. Watch the football game with him. Meet him at work for a picnic lunch. It is fun to think of the possibilities!
7. Give your hubby a back rub. It doesn’t take long, but he will feel more relaxed and grateful for the gesture!
8. Dance together in the middle of your living room. Play the song that you danced to on your wedding day or a song that is meaningful to both of you. Turn down the lights and enjoy being close.
9. Listen to a book on cd together. You both can do other things while the book is playing (like laundry and dishes), but you will have a book that you can both talk about. Choose something that is fun and interesting for both of you.
10. Pray together. This can be intimidating if you don’t usually do it. Make it a short time of prayer to start and make the prayer about praises. As you both get more comfortable, you can pray longer and about more intimate requests. You will find it amazing!

What are some ways that you and your spouse connect when you are busy?

My hubby and I have been married for 7 years now. Today was our anniversary. We had such a special day together. We decided to go out for the day without the kids, a day that we were able to reconnect as a couple.

Days like today are important to us as a couple. We need time without the kids to talk through things that are important and make plans for our future. It also helps us to remember that we are together because we love each other, and we are creating our life as a team. Sometimes it can be hard to remember that we love each other when we get caught up in the day to day things. Today we took the time to remind ourselves of our love for each other.

Have you heard about the movie, Fireproof? I just heard about it today, and I just watched the trailer. This movie stars Kirk Cameron. It is about a father trying to help save his son’s failing marriage and the unique forty day challenge he proposes to do so. Just watch the trailer. You might consider going to see the film. I know we are considering it.

My husband and I have been together for what seems like forever – 12 years. We met when I was 19 and in college still. In retrospect, in many ways I am glad that I met him when we were both so young. We have been through many life changing events as a couple and really have grown up, so to speak, together. We don’t have to go into long explanations about our opinions or what happened in our families long ago. We even accepted Christ and got baptized together, so we know what we were both like before we were saved. This means so much to me and to us as a couple.

Sometimes, though, knowing someone for so long means that your old baggage gets carried around for the rest of your relationship. You both leave things unresolved, or you regret past mistakes and haven’t forgiven each other. The way that you as a couple solve problems may not have been very healthy in the past, and that behavior pattern might still haunt you now.

Then there is the inevitable transition to parenthood that turns your world upside down. As a couple you are used to doing things a certain way, or you can ignore and avoid chronic problems in your relationship when it is just the two of you. Once a little one arrives on the scene, though, things change. You cannot ignore your problems anymore. Things that seemed like minor issues before are magnified now because of lack of sleep and increased stress. The weak parts of your relationship are stretched to the limit. Having children forces you to take a long look at your marriage. What have we done about the stressful situations that test our relationship?

E and I have found that prayer is by far one of the most effective ways to make changes in our marriage. On the day we got married, we invited God into our relationship. Our marriage is built on the rock called Jesus, so we need to let Him do the work that we cannot do ourselves. For me personally it has meant that I pray for my husband, our marriage, and for me as a wife regularly. I ask God to change our hearts and to be ever present in our marriage. I have read and reread scripture (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:21-33) about the marriage relationship. E and I also pray together for each other at least 4 nights a week. We continually work on those areas that we find causing the most problems. We also try to have time alone without our children. Although we value family time, we know that we will continue to be married even after the children have left our home. It is essential for us to have a solid relationship because without that, there really is no family and we will be left with nothing after the children are grown.

I hope that this week you and your husband can find some time to pray with each other and for each other as well as spend some time alone building a solid marriage on the Rock.