Do you ever feel like it is impossible to do everything that you need to do all in one day? I have been struggling with keeping up with the laundry and the housekeeping. I have even gotten the kids involved in the projects that they can do like stripping and making their beds, scrubbing the kitchen floor with soapy water and vinegar, and scrubbing the tub with baking soda. The work is endless, though!
I remember a workshop I took at a Mom to Mom that I used to attend. It was about how to organize your time. The speaker talked about how frustrating it can be for moms to be at home after being in the workforce. The work in a home is circular and never really gets finished each day, she explained, whereas in the workplace you have deadlines. When you are at home, you have to set reasonable expectations for what you can accomplish in a given day and what has to get done today. There will always be laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, but there are times when something is more pressing on a particular day, and that is what you focus on.
What great advice! I remind myself of that workshop frequently, especially when I get down on myself for not getting “enough” accomplished. I don’t understand how some moms can keep their homes spotless or even keep up with the daily chores. I know I cannot compare my life to other people’s lives, though, because my family is unique. It is an unfair comparison.
There are days that I cannot accomplish more than managing the kids and that is OK because that it what my family needs. I have to remember that I chose to stay home to raise my familynot to be the housekeeper extraordinaire. I am teaching my children about life, and sometimes that kind of teaching requires me to get them involved in chores while at other times I need to show them love or I need to discipline them.
Each day I have to determine what needs my attention the most. I must say that most if the time it is my children who need my attention the most. The house can wait!
Today at Mom to Mom we laughed. We watched a few clips from Anita Renfroe’s stand up act, “It’s Probably Just My Thyroid”. One of the highlights was this song. Have a laugh on me, moms!
Tonight our small group studied 1 Corinthians chapter 1. It was a great study! I found myself challenged and convicted.
While reading 1 Corinthians 1:10-16, I was reminded of an article in Newsweek that I recently read. Apparently, some Christians on Facebook are using the term Follower of Christ rather than calling themselves Christian in order to avoid the stigma that comes with that name. The divisions in the church that Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians are still present in the church today. (The Bible is still relevant, isnt it?) Paul tells us that these divisions are not what Christianity is all about. In the end, our focus needs to be on the work that Christ did on the cross. What does that mean?
I immediately thought about brokenness. We are all sinners. We can never be perfect. God purposely has chosen those that the world perceives as inadequate, small, and lesser to do big things (1 Corinthians 1:26-29). We see this time and again in the Bible. Moses murdered someone. David committed adultery and had someone murdered. Jesus was born to a young, poor woman. If we weren’t broken, we wouldn’t need Jesus. God wants the glory for those amazing feats (1 Corinthians 1:30).
At my ladies’ Bible study we are learning about fruit of the spirit, and today we talked about patience. One of the points was that we have to be patient with our circumstances and do things God’s way. The example was the temptation of Jesus. The devil tempted Jesus with getting all His inheritance that God promised by simply taking it. Jesus resisted that temptation because we have to remember that Gods work must be accomplished God’s way.
God is whispering to me about letting Him take control of my life. I need to be patient and let things happen His way in His time. I am broken, and I need Jesus. If I wait, God will get the glory for the work that He does through me.
Today Daddy had class all day, so I was on my own with the kids. It was a sweet day! I truly enjoyed being a mommy. We made some precious memories together.
We spent much of our day snuggled together reading our library books – a huge bag full. I think we read for at least an hour! C4 even read a couple of books to me and A2. I’m struck by the fact that the girls love reading much more than I ever remember reading when I was young. I suppose Mom’s doing something right!
We used up some scrapbooking paper that I have had forever. Someone gave me paper for a baby album, and I never got around to using it. There were great pictures in the kit that you punch out, and the girls were able to create collages. I even made a simple book for C4 to read with the pictures. We chatted away while we created our works of art. (Those pictures are being sent to an auntie.) It was a great opportunity for me and the girls to simply connect and have fun together.
We went for a bike ride with Auntie P and her boyfriend J. They live in NY, so we get to see them from time to time. It was funny to watch all of them together. J and Auntie P took turns pushing the back of A2’s bike. Then they took turns chasing C4 on her bike. They even played a chase game together. It was priceless to watch them play!
Grammie brought a couple of baby birds over today, too. (She breeds birds of all kinds.) The girls love to pet her birds. I love how they have a unique opportunity to learn about birds. They see first hand what baby birds look and feel like. They are learning to be gentle and care for an animal. And it is a special hobby that they share with their grandmother.
Here is another glimpse into the realities of SPD.
~It can be difficult for our family to go to new places. C4 does best if I can prepare her for what to expect. We tend to go over the details of what will happen and who will be there. If I don’t know what to expect, I can’t prepare myself for what might happen while we are there. She also needs help to transition into the new place.
~I have to monitor the children very carefully when we are home. If I don’t, I might find that they have gotten into some awful mess. I have found many messes that are difficult to clean up because I stepped out of the room for a brief moment. One time the kids found a Sharpie pen and used it as make-up. Yes, it was all over their faces, including their eyes. (By the way, you can get Sharpie off of skin with toothpaste.) I have also found toothpaste smeared all over the bathroom. Not to mention all of the things A2 has decided to drink or eat.
~I often feel like I am being judged because of my children’s behavior. In fact, sometimes my children’s behavior is wild and out of control. These outbursts do not always bode well with other folks. On more than one occasion my daughter has knocked over another child when she tries to give a hug or unintentionally as she walks by. I’ve had my child scream in a store and beg to go home because the lights are too loud and bright and she can’t stand to sit still for another moment. The looks people give used to make me feel ashamed. I have finally realized that my children’s behavior does not reflect on my ability to parent. I did nothing to cause these behaviors. My kids came into the world this way, and it is my job to help them cope with situations, feelings, and sensations that cause discomfort and, in some cases, pain for them. That is all I can do.
This post is the first in a series on the realities of living with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).
What does it mean to live with a child who has SPD?
We have to keep things hidden and locked up, and putting things up high isn’t enough because the children find ways to get to those things. That includes anything that could be consumed or smeared such as toothpaste, lotion, mouthwash, liquid soap, and bug spray. (My kiddos have experimented with all of these things.) We have to also lock up anything that could physically harm the kids like the electric shaver, glassware, and knives. This is all part of sensory seeking behavior.
There is a lot of crashing going on. C4 crashes into things or people. Sometimes C4 accidentally tacklesA2 when she tries to give her a hug. There is a lot of pushing and pulling, too. This is part of sensory seeking behavior. This has improved greatly for us with the use of our exercise ball and a few other activities that give proprioceptive input (deep pressure).
Getting dressed can be incredibly difficult for C4. She wants to be naked under a blanket when it is time to get dressed. She is also fussy about her underwear, tags on her clothes, and the waistband on her pants. We finally have underwear that she likes and a select few outfits that she finds comfortable. We have made major progress in this area, though. Now she will actually play dress up whereas in the past playing dress up meant undressing. This is all part of tactile defensiveness.
Loud noises make a raucous in our home. Vacuuming causes C4 to run around the room or jump on the couch. The neighbor cutting the grass can also set her off. The sounds don’t even have to be that loud to me for C4 to consider them too loud. The sound of the lights or someone across the room talking can be distracting or cause C4 to lose it. This is part of auditory processing.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Go to Sensory Processing Disorder for a checklist of behaviors you might see in children with SPD.
Living as a mom of a child (or two) with SPD is challenging.
I have started up a new consequences and rewards plan this week for my children.This is our third day using it, and I think it is helping us out a lot. I like how clear it is. There is a visual and kinesthetic component to it as well. It also reminds me to compliment good behavior more often.
We have always had a “three strikes and you’re out” policy (ie after the third time you are spoken to at the table you have to go to bed immediately.) It has been helpful, but I felt like the kids didn’t completely understand it. I’ve taken it a step further and used a strategy that I used in my classroom. It is a card turning system.
Blue = Great job!
Green = First warning. Lose 1st TV show.
Yellow = Second warning. Lose 2nd TV show.
Red = Final warning. Go to bed without books or songs.
Every day your child starts on blue (or a color of your choice). If there is an offense that warrents disciplinary action, you have your child turn the card to the next color (green in my case). The consequence is discussed at that time, and the day continues as usual. Please note that sometimes rather than turning the cards, there is a consequence that is specific to a particular behavior. For example, the kids refused to clean up their Little People set the other night, so they have lost the privilege to use them until next week.
The second part of the system is a sticker chart. I chose four behaviors that I want from each of my children and assigned each behavior an icon as a reminder for the kids. For example, C4 has Be Kind to Sister, Be Respectful to Adults, Obey Parents, and Get Dressed. A2 has Obey Parents, Use the Potty, Be Kind to Sister, and Stay in Bed. The rewarded behaviors will change over time as I see the children start using them without as much prompting. I give stickers throughout the day as the girls exhibit these target behaviors, especially when the situation makes it difficult for them to do the right thing. Today C4 got a sticker because she offered a younger friend one of her security blankets to use as a blanket for a doll. I knew that it was a challenge for her to let go of that special blanket in order to be kind to her friend, so I made a big deal out of praising her.
Living as a mom is being proactive instead of reactive.
Yesterday living as a mom was magical! I was reminded why I stay at home with my children and why homeschooling is the right choice for us.
We were snowed in today with predictions of a foot or more of snow. (We never actually got that much snow, though.) It was Read Across America Day in honor of Dr. Seuss’s birthday, and I wanted to do something to celebrate the day with the kids. Preschool was canceled for C4 because of the snow, which meant we weren’t going to invite any friends over to celebrate the day with us. Besides, I never seem to have time to get things set up in advance these days, and my office is a disaster, so I wasn’t actually ready to have a party today anyway. But I was determined to make the day special. I convinced the kids to play alone for a bit so I could actually get things set up to make stove pipe hats like the Cat in the Hat.
The kids loved the project! They were so proud of their work and kept returning to it over and over. I loved think up the project and doing it with them. It was a joy to watch the kids play and enjoy something that I put together for them.
The cold, ice, and sickness have kept my family from enjoying much of the winter this year. We have been stuck inside – at home, at a friend’s house, at church events – but stuck inside nonetheless.
Winter is a tough time of year for me. I need the sunshine. I need the exercise. I need the kids to run around and play outside. The short days in the winter can actually seem like they last an eternity to me. My patience wear thin, and I am exhausted.
As you may already know, I suffered with postpartum depression after both of my children were born. I have two separate posts about those experiences if you are interested in more information about my journey to health: Getting Well Part 1 and Getting Well Part 2. Although my youngest is 2 1/2 now, I am still medicated. The medicine has changed my life drastically, but lifestyle also affects my mood. I have to get enough sleep every night. I also need to exercise regularly. I need enough sunlight every day, too, which is why winter is so brutal for me.
My physician has mentioned light therapy, and she recommended products from Northern Light. I have not made a purchase yet. I am wondering if I should invest the money, though. It might help me get through these long winters in the north east!
Living as a mom means keeping myself well so I can be the best mom I can be.
Do you ever feel like it is impossible to do everything that you need to do all in one day? I have been struggling with keeping up with the laundry and the housekeeping. I have even gotten the kids involved in the projects that they can do like stripping and making their beds, scrubbing the kitchen floor with soapy water and vinegar, and scrubbing the tub with baking soda. The work is endless, though!
