Living as a mom

Archive for December 28th, 2008

Is tattling a problem in your home?

When I was a classroom teacher, I read a book called Positive Discipline in the Classroom, which advocated the use of class meetings to solve problems.

From this book I gleaned the idea to use a tattle notebook. This strategy helped prevent endless telling on each other and helped the children distinguish between minor problems that they could solve on their own and bigger problems they needed help with. Once a week we had a meeting to discuss the problems in the notebook and figure out how to solve the problems. This strategy might help you out if your children can read and write.

I use a simple notebook for the tattle book. I sat with the kids to explain how to write about a problem you are having with someone. I include an example in the notebook so they would be able to refer to it. I use an example of a recent problem that we are having during this first discussion. Then I tell the kids that it is up to them to write about a problem when it arises UNLESS someone is in danger of getting hurt. Throughout the week, I remind the children to write about their problems in the notebook.

During the first meeting day, I explain the ground rules:

~We sit in a circle.
~I read a problem as written in the notebook to aloud EVERYONE. (This step often stops the need for intervention when it is truly just a tattle.)
~A person can speak only when holding a specified object. That object is passed around the circle.
~The person with the problem might have to clarify details involved in the problem, but may only do so when holding the object.
~Other people involved in the problem may add information about the problem while holding the object.
~People must speak respectfully to each other or must leave the circle.
~People not involved may give solutions for how to solve the problem at hand.
~The solution that is decided on is recorded in the notebook.

I like how this approach puts the responsibility on the children to resolve conflicts and forces them to work together to create their own solutions in a respectful manner. The children also learn how to be involved in a community. I also love how the adult acts a facilitator during the meeting and does not stand as the judge of what justice is. Additionally, the children learn communication skills, both written and oral.

You might also read this book that is geared towards the family’s needs rather than to the classroom teacher’s needs. It is by the same author.

I hope that you and your family can use this strategy to prevent tattling, learn conflict resolution skills, and enjoy peace in your home.