Are you having power struggles with your child all of the time? Do you feel like your child argues with you about everything? Your child could be strong-willed according to Dr. James Dobson. I know because both of mine are. Please read Dr. Dobson’s description of strong-willed children to see if your child fits the bill.

Raising a strong-willed child is very difficult. Days can seem to last an eternity as you go through your arsenal of discipline techniques and fail. If you don’t recognize that your child’s temperament is the culprit, you will certainly doubt your ability to parent and spend your days being exasperated. I have felt that way many times. I have lost my patience more than once and gotten wrapped up in the power struggle ultimately making things worse.

Remember that children are often like their parents, so if you are or your spouse is strong-willed, there is a good chance that your child will be, too. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!

Take heart that you can be the leader in your home with a strong-willed child! It is all about your approach. Here are a few tips that help me:

~I often have to explain “why” in order to get compliance whenever it is feasible.

~I also have to give choices and hand over control of the less important decisions.

~I have had to choose a few rules that I deem absolutely non-negotiable and be clear and consistent about enforcing those rules.

I recommend that you read everything you can about this personality type. I have read the following books and found that they were helpful:

~The Difficult Child by Stanley Turecki

~The New Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson

~This article at Keep Kids Healthy.

~This article at Applied Learning Styles (AppLe St).

The personality traits that make your days difficult not can be positive character traits later in life.

Recently I have made mention of C4 having Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), but I have not really talked about what that means to our family or even what it looks like. This might help you out if you think that something is going on with your child.

Having a child with SPD can be trying, confusing, frustrating, and down right depressing at times especially if your child has not been diagnosed yet. I can tell you that it was quite difficult to finally pinpoint the problem that C4 was having, and while we were furiously searching for an answer to the problem, there was a lot of strain on the whole family. It really affected my view of myself as a mother since I am a former teacher and have all of this education about child development.

Why was I unable help my child cope and keep my cool?

I avoided situations that would set C4 off. Staying home all day made it difficult for us both. We rarely stayed at home during the day, instead opting to visit friends for the whole day or we’d go on long walks to the playground and stay there for a long while. We were the only folks at the playground until late in November or early December. In the winter we went to the mall a lot. I had a few friends I would call to help me solve some of these problems, but they never experienced the same things I did. It was incredibly frustrating and stressful.

I noticed a problem as soon as C4 began walking – at 9 months old. She crashed into walls without even noticing. She never stopped moving during the day except to sleep, and she was definitely a good sleeper! She desperately needed the routine to stay the same or there were tantrums lasting up to an hour. Brushing her teeth and hair was torture and could involve a wrestling match and screaming (sometimes from her and me). Cutting her nails was equally difficult. It was as if she was in tremendous pain. Getting dressed was impossible. Although she was physically able to dress herself at 18 months or so, she would flat out refuse to put clothes on even if I gave her a choice about her attire. Potty training was a disaster involving serious tantrums if she had the urge to use the potty. She never actually told me that she had to go, but once she went on the potty, the tantrum stopped. She was also picky about the foods that she ate; she wanted her vegetables to be frozen and none of her food could be warmer than room temperature. She also had no tolerance for frustration. If she couldn’t figure out how to do something right away, she would have a tantrum. And biting was a huge problem, and it wasn’t always related to frustration.

I brought up my concerns about C4’s hyperactivity many times during our well baby visits. We talked about ADHD as a possibility, but my wonderful pediatrician did not recommend medication at such a young age, especially since she might grow out of some of the behaviors. (I brought up my concerns starting when she was about 12 months old.) It was not until C4’s 4 year old well child visit that we finally got a referral to see an Occupational Therapist with the pediatrician’s conclusion that it must be SPD.

Since we started with the OT in September, our life has changed dramatically. C4 has been more relaxed. I am more equipped to help her when she is having a sensory related problem. Now I feel like the whole family is coping better. It has been incredibly reaffirming to me as a mother to find out that there is something going on with my child and that it is treatable. Once treatment started, our family life improved, everyone’s stress level reduced, and C4 started to flourish, even asking to use different strategies that she find helpful.

If you think that your child may have SPD, please talk with your pediatrician about it. As a mother who had to work hard in order to find out what was happening to her child, I am urging you to do that for your child, for your family, and for yourself. Do not give up! You are not alone. For more information about SPD, go to the Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation website or go to the Sensory Processing Disorder Resource Center website.

Is tattling a problem in your home?

When I was a classroom teacher, I read a book called Positive Discipline in the Classroom, which advocated the use of class meetings to solve problems.

From this book I gleaned the idea to use a tattle notebook. This strategy helped prevent endless telling on each other and helped the children distinguish between minor problems that they could solve on their own and bigger problems they needed help with. Once a week we had a meeting to discuss the problems in the notebook and figure out how to solve the problems. This strategy might help you out if your children can read and write.

I use a simple notebook for the tattle book. I sat with the kids to explain how to write about a problem you are having with someone. I include an example in the notebook so they would be able to refer to it. I use an example of a recent problem that we are having during this first discussion. Then I tell the kids that it is up to them to write about a problem when it arises UNLESS someone is in danger of getting hurt. Throughout the week, I remind the children to write about their problems in the notebook.

During the first meeting day, I explain the ground rules:

~We sit in a circle.
~I read a problem as written in the notebook to aloud EVERYONE. (This step often stops the need for intervention when it is truly just a tattle.)
~A person can speak only when holding a specified object. That object is passed around the circle.
~The person with the problem might have to clarify details involved in the problem, but may only do so when holding the object.
~Other people involved in the problem may add information about the problem while holding the object.
~People must speak respectfully to each other or must leave the circle.
~People not involved may give solutions for how to solve the problem at hand.
~The solution that is decided on is recorded in the notebook.

I like how this approach puts the responsibility on the children to resolve conflicts and forces them to work together to create their own solutions in a respectful manner. The children also learn how to be involved in a community. I also love how the adult acts a facilitator during the meeting and does not stand as the judge of what justice is. Additionally, the children learn communication skills, both written and oral.

You might also read this book that is geared towards the family’s needs rather than to the classroom teacher’s needs. It is by the same author.

I hope that you and your family can use this strategy to prevent tattling, learn conflict resolution skills, and enjoy peace in your home.

A major struggle for me is to keep myself and my family organized. I seem to have a terrible memory and have to write EVERYTHING down in order to remember anything. I have been diligent about keeping a calendar with all of our appointments, social events, and the like. E adds his information to it, too. I also depend on routine because that means that I don’t have to think about quite so many things. I seem to run on autopilot, which makes me more efficient with the mundane things that need to get done when you are living as a mom.

I am still running into trouble when there is a change in the schedule, though. This is particularly troublesome with our Occupational Therapy appointments. The schedule has changed with the holidays, and now I have missed two appointments. Technically that means that we should lose our slot, but the office manager showed me grace and allowed us to keep our space. Since it took 6 months to get into this OT facility for C4’s SI therapy, I cannot afford to lose our space!

I am appealing to all of those organized and seasoned moms. How do you keep it all together? I am barely keeping my head in the game, and when life throws me a curve ball, I get lost. I would love advice on how to be more organized.

A dear friend of mine brought her three children over for a play date today – 5 years, 2 1/2 years, & 11 weeks old. We live pretty far from each other now and rarely see each other. Preschool cuts into the time we would usually have together. I am so glad that they came to visit us! Our kids have known each other since birth, and it has been a pleasure to watch their friendships grow.

One of the best parts of today was holding that dear baby. She is a sweet little girl, and my kids fell in love with her right away. Boy did that stir the desire in me to have another baby! I know that we are not quite ready to bring home a new little one, but I am sure that I want to have one sooner than later. Now I just have to pray and wait for the time to be right. (Oh and I plan on getting myself fit in the meantime!)

Waiting is often hard for me as it is for many people. But for me it means that my plans often get derailed. You see, I LOVE to plan. I love thinking of the possibilities. I am a big picture kind of girl, you know. Trusting God and waiting for His plans to unfold means that I lose control and my plans are not carried through. It isn’t that God disappoints me because His plans are always better than mine. It’s just that I like to know what to expect. I like having control. I LOVE predictability.

Do you think that there is a lesson in this for me?

I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’ Psalm 92:1

‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:!1

He answered:  ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Luke 10:27

• Trust the LORD, my God.
• Love the LORD, my God.
• Take refuge in the LORD, my God.
• Wait on the LORD, my God.

The time will come for my family to grow, for me to have another baby.

I am still new to the balancing act of being a work at home mom. I have gotten better at managing my time now that I know how long it takes to finish various things. Currently I am working on being more efficient and savvy about the business end of things. I have been an avid user of Twitter to promote my business since this past summer. I like it for both professional and social reasons. If you don’t “tweet” and you are promoting a business, then you have to check Twitter out!

One of the great things about Twitter is networking with people. I follow people from all over the world who have diverse backgrounds. I would never meet these people otherwise. From this amazing social network that is growing rapidly, I have found a freelance writing job. When I needed some parenting advice, someone I follow was able to help me out. When I tweet that I have a new post, the traffic on my blogs increases faster than it would otherwise. I also have found interesting information on the web from different people’s updates. It is truly amazing!

One of features of Twitter is joining a moderated discussion. The host establishes a date and time for a network of people to share information about a particular topic. I have joined the Christian Women Tweet Up, Girls’ Night Out, and Journchat for writers. I also follow @ResourcefulMom who hosts website warming parties where you can win prizes! I am new to these discussions, so I’m still figuring out how to follow the conversation in the best way. Tonight I tried http://www.tweetgrid.com. The grid compiles all of the tweets of people involved in the conversation. The updates still moved faster than I was prepared to read! I will get the hang of it, though.

I am still contemplating how I will be able to maximize my Twitter time so that I can promote my business, Homeschooling Coach. I am considering hosting a moderated discussion, but I haven’t worked out all of the details yet. Be on the look out for a Twitter discussion with @HomeschoolCoach!

We have so much snow right now! I am amazed that it is still falling. It is beautiful out there with the tree branches covered in snow. I love how faint the snowflakes are during this storm. I amgetting cozy for the winter!

I am enjoying the peace and quiet this afternoon. I decided not to nap with the kids today. I am writing and watching the snow fall. There is some music softly playing in the background. I am actually able to put together my thoughts.

This is a little time for me. I don’t do this often, but I recommend it to anyone whose house is full of life like mine is. Life is messy and noisey. Take some time to organize your thoughts and enjoy some peace.

It has been an exciting time in our home. Recently C4 accepted Christ! I am honored to be the person she prayed with that day. I have never had the privilege of praying with someone who is accepting Christ.

We have been talking about salvation for a long time, and I had suggested that Jesus could be her best friend if she asked Him to be. She had always said that she wasn’t interested in that just yet. But on this particular day, when I brought it up, C4 said that Jesus was her best friend. I told her that she had to ask Him to be her best friend before He would be. We were sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch when she decided to pray. “Jesus, I want you to be my best friend. Amen.”

At first I wasn’t sure that she knew what she was asking for. I wondered if it made sense to her. After all, she is only 4 years old. I left it alone for a couple of weeks before I brought it up again. When I asked if she wanted Jesus to be her best friend, she reminded me that she already asked Jesus to be her best friend that time in the kitchen when we prayed together! She truly has accepted Christ! God moved my little 4 year old girl to love Him!

It is funny to listen to her when she is with A2. She says,”You need to learn more about Jesus before you ask Him to be your best friend.” A2 just listens to her. I often hear C4 praying when she is in her bed before she falls asleep. She is really in love with Jesus!

We have been doing many Advent activities this year, and I have noticed that both of the girls are playing “Going to Bethlehem” or “Baby Jesus is born”. They are singing the Christmas carols like “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” and “Away in the Manger”. A2 is on her way to accepting Christ in time, too. She talks about Him all of the time and prays a lot, too.

I am amazed by my God. Watching my children’s faith grow has in turn made my faith flourish! I hope that during this wonderful Christmas season you are able to witness this miracle in your life!

I remember that I used to get bored with Christmas right around the week before. I was tired of listening to the Christmas music on the radio and doing all the shopping and wrapping. This year I am truly enjoying the season. I think that part of the reason that my interest is still piqued is that the music means something to me now. I accepted Christ 7 1/2 years ago on Easter. For a while I was devouring everything related to Christ that I could. I looked at God like a young child. I asked thousands of questions. I enthusiastically brought my friends to church. I was excited!

All of that seeking and learning has brought me to a new place. I feel like my faith is strong. My relationship with Christ has grown. Before I accepted Christ those Christmas songs I used to hear over and over were pretty and eventually annoying during December. Now those beautiful songs make sense to me. They remind me of the gift my God gave to all of us and what a sacrifice it was for Jesus to become a man. Those songs stir something in me and the lyrics sing the feelings that are deep in my heart. I now appreciate Advent.

One of my favorite Christmas songs is “O Come, O Come Emmanuel”. It has a somber tone that reminds me of the gravity of my sin that Jesus took the punishment for, and the lyrics remind me to rejoice that Jesus became the sin offering for us all so we won’t die.

I found this great version of this song. I think you might also appreciate it.

Rejoice!

E and I have been working on our budget these days as I’m sure you have been doing as well with the economy the way it is. We have been pretty successful with trimming some of the fat off of our spending, too. It has been good to know that we are getting our finances under control, but we have Christmas on the horizon now. We have decided that we are going to buy household items for each other this year instead of indulging in the things we want to have. The kids, of course, are getting a couple of toys, but they are mostly getting things they need like underwear, socks, and toothbrushes. Luckily they are still young enough that ripping the paper open means about as much as getting the actual gift! Fortunately for us we had gift cards left over from last year and the year before so we’ve managed to keep the price tag low so far.

With that being said, I think that this Christmas might be the best one we have yet. I say that because this year we are being forced to think about what really matters to us. We’ve also been doing lots of Advent activities this month, so we are all drawing closer to Jesus this month. Couple that with reading the Christmas story in its entirety on Christmas morning, and I think that this Christmas will be full of meaning. I am looking forward to having time with our family delighting in the Lord while playing, laughing, and eating great food with my family.

So here’s to a Christmas filled with what we really need, love. This Christmas and every Christmas we receive love from our Lord and Savior wrapped in the love of our families.

Have a blessed Christmas this year knowing that Jesus loves you!