Living as a mom

Archive for November 11th, 2008

One of my major struggles is with whether or not to have another baby and when the right time would be to do that. After experiencing postpartum depression after both of my pregnancies, I am concerned about going through it all over again. My heart is telling me to have another baby. I held a newborn today, and it just felt right. She was so sweet and full of snuggles. I yearn for that experience again. The question is: will it be like that for me?

My hands are pretty full these days with C4 needing OT and the possibility of pursuing other evaluations for her. Then I have the very busy A2 who is copying C4′s behavior and getting into her own mischief. I wonder if having another baby would be the best choice for our family.

And then the yearning comes back.

I have discussed conceiving again extensively with my therapist and prescribing physician. Having another baby is not highly recommended by the medical folks I see who have known me now for just about 2 years. It is possible that I will have a relapse in my symptoms even though I will continue taking my medication.

And then the yearning comes back.

I have prayed about this myself. I have asked very close friends to pray about it, too. I am asking that God take the yearning away if He knows that conceiving again is not the right path for me. I can’t imagine that my God would keep that desire in my heart. I know that my God has a plan for me and that does not include harming me. (Jeremiah 29:11) I have to trust Him.

And the yearning comes back.

I’m trusting God.