Believe it or not, we had an amazing Thanksgiving this year. In the past it hasn’t been so fabulous because I am a reformed perfectionist and I imagine how others are judging me. I also had certain expectations for the family that no one else had. Basically, I have learned about showing myself and others grace. This lesson was hard to learn, but it has made my life at the holidays exponentially better. Here is what I have learned in a nutshell.

1. My family members are who they are, and I cannot change that. It is my job to love each person, not change each one.
2. I know who to ask to bring certain items to a holiday celebration based on when they arrive typically.
3. E and I have pared down the menu significantly so that we both are able to enjoy the family and not spend the day cooking.
4. I plan specific activities for the children so that they are happy and entertained.
5. E and I delegate jobs during the day. For example, this year E had my sister doing some prep work in the kitchen, and my dad and I set up the tables.
6. I start rearranging the house a week or two before the holiday so I have enough time to get it all done and I can work slowly.
7. E and I work together to clean the house thoroughly the day before the holiday.
8. E and I do some food preparation the day before the holiday.
9. E and I simply work together to make the holiday a success!
10. I trust God to make it all happen!

What have you learned about making holiday celebrations great?

Photo by singsing_sky

This is a revised version of a post that originally appeared in my sister blog, Homeschooling Coach. Please visit that blog for homeschooling tips & curriculum ideas as well as stories about the joys & trials of home education.

This is such a busy time of year. You are doing a lot right now with the holidays upon us. Do you find that it is difficult to find time for your spouse? It is so hard to do it all, and often times something has to give. I encourage you to consider a few ways to stay connected with your spouse even when it seems like there is no time.

Photo by Sammis Co

1. Have dessert or tea together after the children are in bed. This is your time to reconnect and discuss the day. It is a great stress reliever, too. The only rule is that you cannot do anything else like watch TV. It also only needs to take 5-10 minutes of your evening.
2. Leave each other love notes. You can leave a note in your hubby’s brief case telling him how much you love him, or leave a note in his car to tell him that you are thinking about him. Send him an e-mail to say, “I love you.” It means a lot when you take a moment out of your day to remind your hubby that he is special to you.
3. Choose a date night. You don’t have to spend a lot of money or even go anywhere fancy. The only thing that matters is that you are together. You can even have your date at home if you have to.
4. Laugh together. Tickle each other. Tell jokes. Watch a funny TV show. Get silly. Laughter is a great way to deal with stress!
5. Reminisce. Rekindling those memories helps you to feel the same way you did way back when. Look through a photo album or remind each other of stories from when you were dating.
6. Do something unexpected for your spouse. Meet your hubby at the door with a long, passionate kiss. Make a special meal for your husband. Watch the football game with him. Meet him at work for a picnic lunch. It is fun to think of the possibilities!
7. Give your hubby a back rub. It doesn’t take long, but he will feel more relaxed and grateful for the gesture!
8. Dance together in the middle of your living room. Play the song that you danced to on your wedding day or a song that is meaningful to both of you. Turn down the lights and enjoy being close.
9. Listen to a book on cd together. You both can do other things while the book is playing (like laundry and dishes), but you will have a book that you can both talk about. Choose something that is fun and interesting for both of you.
10. Pray together. This can be intimidating if you don’t usually do it. Make it a short time of prayer to start and make the prayer about praises. As you both get more comfortable, you can pray longer and about more intimate requests. You will find it amazing!

What are some ways that you and your spouse connect when you are busy?

My kids make me laugh. They are such funny little people.

I love watching them play and listening in on their conversations. It is such a beautiful sight to see these two small, individuals develop a relationship with each other. It truly warms my heart when I see their kindness and their compassion toward one another.

C4 is so proud that she can take care of her sister. She loves helping her put on her shoes and showing her how to do things like put on her jacket. When A2 complains that she can’t do something, C4 is happy to encourage her that she can do it. C4 also loves to motivate A2 to clean up the toys; she follows my lead. She will make one of the stuffed animals cry to go to bed, for example, and A2 will oblige and put the stuffed animal to bed.

It is also a pleasure to watch the kids soothe each other, too. They share a room, and when one is crying and sad, the other will climb into her sister’s bed with her. We have pictures of them sleeping in the same bed. It is so precious.

I truly am thankful that my children are building a strong friendship with each other. They really care for one another. It is a blessing!

This post originally appeared in my sister blog, Homeschooling Coach. Please visit that blog for homeschooling tips & curriculum ideas as well as stories about the joys & trials of home education.

One of the most difficult realizations that I had when I found out I was pregnant for the first time was that my mother would never be able to share this experience with me. She would never be able to share what her pregnancies were like, or give me advice and encouragement. She wouldn’t hold my beautiful baby, or show me all of the little tricks that mothers share with each other. My mother desperately wanted to be a grandmother, and it would have brought her great joy to be with my children. I would have been delighted to watch her with them. That hole will be in my heart forever; I miss her every day. But she was only human.

The other day I heard the angst in my father’s voice because he felt inadequate as my parent. I needed help and advice that only a mother can give. He really wanted to help me, but he just couldn’t. He is the only parent that my sister and I have, and he juggles his time to meet everyone’s needs, but he is unable to do it all. He has been a great dad and “Papa”. The children adore him and cherish the time they have with him. It blesses my heart to watch him with the kids. But he is only human.

When my first baby was born, I found that I couldn’t do everything. I was in despair because I felt utterly alone and incompetent. No one was able to help me. No one had the time to rock my baby or do my dishes. No one was able to quench my thirst for a mother to take care of me while I took care of everyone else. No one really understood what the problem was. But my friends and family are only human.

I am only human.

Who was going to fill that hole? Who was going to quench my thirst? Who was going to save me?

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

Yes, Jesus is the answer! After discovering again that Jesus was the only one who could save me, I began to pray scripture and ask for healing. I have been dealing with the loss now and moving forward. I am only human, but Jesus is fully human and fully divine. He came to earth to save me. It is His job to save me; no one else can do that for me.

Yes, I am only human.

I do not have a mother of my own here on this earth, but I am a good mother and maybe even a better mother because of it. You must think that I am crazy. I am a better mother because I do not have a mother? It is true. Although there are days that I feel discouraged and desperately want my mom, I know that, in the end, my dependence on God makes me a better parent. God provides what no one else can, and He fills that hole in my heart. God is not a mere human. God is the ultimate parent, and He is mine.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14

Grace.

The Mom to Mom talk this week was about grace. Have you thought about the grace that God has given you – freely? Have you considered your role in showing others grace? That’s what we were asked to ponder today.

Photo by Delphine devos

This amazing speaker talked about how grace and forgiveness go hand in hand. They work together. She said, “Grace is forgiveness made beautiful.” What a pretty picture that is! Think about how we can forgive someone, and then think of what it is like to show someone grace. When you give the gift of grace, you pardon someone and love that person.

Don’t mistake grace as a way of letting someone off the hook. There is still a consequence for the misstep. However, the love and forgiveness that comes with showing someone grace somehow softens the blow of those consequences. The speaker this week used the illustration of what happens between a mother and her child when that child makes a mistake. The child is comforted by Mommy after the mistake, but there is still the consequence that comes with making that mistake – repairing the damage, for example.

It is often easier to show others grace than it is to show yourself grace. Strange, but true, isn’t it? I know that this is true for me. I suppose it is my way of trying to earn forgiveness. The thing about grace is that it is not what we deserve. We have “earned” the consequence, not the forgiveness, and there are no actions that will help you to earn the forgiveness. (Romans 3:21-26) You simply have to have faith, accept God’s grace, and be grateful for it.

One of the most precious gifts you can offer others – and yourself – is the gift of grace. Show someone, even yourself, a little grace today.

Photo by nancybcrow

Balancing it all seems impossible in our busy world. I have been trying to find a way to organize my life so that I am able to finish the things that have to get done and still have time to do the things I want to do. Isn’t that everyone’s situation?

One clear answer that God has given me is to ask for help. We prize independence in the US, and that has been detrimental to our lives. God created us to be in relationship with Him and others. (Luke 10:27) We cannot do this thing called life alone! So I have been taking the initiative to ask for help. God has even blessed me and my family with the help that we need without us asking for it.

One example of taking advantage of some help is the winter clothes scenario. Switching our seasonal clothes has been a huge undertaking for me. It has actually taken me 3 weeks to complete the project! I have to remind myslef that we have two young children who demand a lot of attention and care. We also have very little storage so our clothes are stored in the attic that is only accessible with a ladder. It takes two people to put things up there and take things down from there. E is in school part time and out of the house 2-3 nights a week. Of course this project is time consuming! My wonderful father has been a huge help for me, though. From caring for the children to helping me organize the clothes, he has done it all. I could not have finished the project without him!

God graciously provided me with the help that I needed because I asked for it! I am eternally grateful for that blessing. I just need to remember that God wants me to remain in community with Him and the people in my life who He has blessed me with. I need to pray and ask for help. I also need to take the help that is offered.

I am learning to balance it all by asking for the help that I need to do the things I have to do. Along the way I am doing the things I want to do – build relationships with the caring people in my life!

Photo by Cane Rosso

What a blessing I have received today! A friend, KB, who I am just getting to know, graciously offered to take my kiddos out for a couple of hours so I can get a break. I am so thankful that God put this on her heart. God knows that I really do need a little bit of time to myself to relax and enjoy His gifts. (1 Timothy 6:17) With E in school days are pretty long for me and the workload is pretty hefty. God provides everything we need, though! (2 Peter 1:3-4) I am going to put my feet up and relax with my wonderful God!

I have to add an extra post tonight because of buzz on Twitter about a new Motrin Ad campaign geared toward moms.

The campaign missed the mark, and many moms are pretty upset about it. Motrin is now taking the ad off the website according to Ladybug Landings.

Motrin needs to consider using social media to better judge public opinion about future campaigns!

Photo by Mrs. Flinger

While I was surfing the blogosphere today, I happened upon a great blog post on Deconstructing Jen that inspired me to write about my fitness goals. Yes, I have been thinking about getting fit again. You see, when I was pregnant with C4, I gained 75 pounds. I got fit, though, and lost 100 pounds with diet and exercise. I looked fantastic and was the smallest size I have been as an adult! Then I got pregnant with A2 and gained 50 pounds even though I was walking 45-60 minutes twice a day 3-4 times a week. At the end I was even walking 3 times a day trying to get that overdue baby to come out! I lost some of the weight while I was nursing, but my antidepressant medication slows my metabolism and makes me incredibly hungry. Basically, I have to lose a lot of weight again. I also want enough energy to keep up with my demanding schedule. E and I went on a diet based on the glycemic index over the summer, and I lost some weight, but I didn’t feel good on that diet. I was also going to the gym 3 times a week, but found that I couldn’t keep up with that schedule and keep up with the other things I have to do around here. I’m telling you that I need a self-cleaning house!

So my new, official goal is to go to the gym twice a week. That seems reasonable, doesn’t it? I also know that setting small, attainable goals makes me more successful, and weight loss goals are more easily reached when you have support. Who is interested in joining me in this venture? We can do this thing together!

Set a small wellness goal for yourself, and post it as a comment. I’ll post about my wellness goal again in a week, and you can comment on how you are doing with your wellness goals. In January I will have a drawing for a prize for the reader who posts the most inspirational comments about her wellness goal.

UPDATE:

This wellness goal didn’t work that great for me. See my new goal. Will you join me in my new endeavor? Please post a comment there and tell me what you are doing to stay healthy! Plus I have started Fitness Friday where I will blog about my wellness efforts each week. Accountability works, you know.

Photo by JuliaRosien

I had a ladies’ night in with my college buddies last night. We had a great dinner and dessert together in someone’s home. Then we spent the night chatting and sharing the current events in our lives over wine. It was great to see everyone again. Life gets so busy that we have to be intentional about carving time out to keep up and see each other, so now we are getting together every 8 weeks or so.

What I love about getting together with this group of friends is the history that we share. They know about pivotal events in my life that have literally changed who I am. I never have to get them caught up on why something is such a big deal to me. I also know that these girls love me. They have been through major milestones and everyday life with me. The list of our experiences goes on, and they appreciate my quirks! We are able to pick up where we left off every time we see each other even though we are not part of each other’s day to day lives anymore. That means the world to me.

I left the ladies’ night in last night refreshed even though I am utterly exhausted tonight as a result of staying out a bit too late. What a blessing it is to have friends who I can be real with. I know that they will love me through it all - including setting me straight when I am headed in the wrong direction and encouraging me when everything is all right.

That’s authentic, unconditional friendship.